7 Things To Get Over...
The message seems to be everywhere that in order to succeed, you need to “work hard”. But success is so much more than simply working hard. It’s about being consistent, tenacious, deliberate and flexible. It’s about being diligent with yourself so that you are acting with intention. As a coach, the below things consistently come up for my clients, and at times, for myself. I often encourage my clients to let go of these seven things to help them reach their goals and to ultimately live a life that is empowered. One that lights them up. I hope they inspire you on your journey as well:
1) Get Over Constantly Prioritizing Other People
I know it sounds crazy. Especially if you are a woman reading this—aren’t we supposed to prioritize our partner, our children, our job?
NO. You are not. If you aren’t prioritizing yourself and filling your cup, you are holding yourself back. If you’re always putting everyone else first, you’re half-a$$ing what you can give to those things and people important to you anyway.
Make yourself a priority. Make your needs, goals etc. a priority and hold yourself accountable to yourself. You wouldn’t constantly be cancelling a meeting with your boss or with a client so why would you consistently not be showing up for yourself? Yes, there are times that others will come first but it shouldn’t be because it’s your automatic response to prioritize everyone and everything above yourself.
It’s time to get over always putting others before yourself because ultimately you are letting yourself (and all those around you) down.
2) Get Over Trying To Do Things Perfectly (And Expecting Others To Do Things Perfectly)
I am a natural people-pleaser and rule-follower—so this one always hits me to the core. Nothing is going to go perfectly. You are human—you’re not always going to look perfect along the way either .
Just roll with it. Give up the idea that things are going to be on a perfectly linear path—there’s going to be a lot of back-tracking, leaps forward, hitting your head against the wall, re-directing etc. on your way forward. Some days you’ll be rockin’ it and others you’ll want to curl up and go back to bed. Know that others aren’t going to be doing this perfectly (or your way) either. We’re all out here trying to do the best we can and when we know better, we do better.
One of the best things I’ve ever been told by someone is, “Always do your best, and some days, your best sucks.” So cut yourself some slack.
Let go of the idea of ‘perfection’ and if you’re feeling a bit sassy today, be imperfect on purpose—send that text message with a typo, put an unfiltered picture on social media, leave something on your to-do list for tomorrow.
3) Get Over Justifying Yourself
We all want people (especially those people who are supposed to be on our team) to be just as excited about our stuff as we are…
and when they aren’t it can feel devastating. The truth is, you shouldn’t want or be doing things for other people (even if you love those people like crazy). You should have your goals, your dreams, your desires. It’s really not fair to ask people to be as excited about our stuff as we are. They have their own goals/dreams/desires they should be passionate about. Yes, it’s great when people can support us, but if you are putting everything into other people’s buy in about what you’re doing – then you aren’t fully in for yourself.
Tip: get clear on why you want what you want…for yourself. When people don’t understand or are seemingly unsupportive, it’ll be okay because you are solid in what you are working toward and why it’s important and exciting for you.
*It’s also fair to note that sometimes when people seem like they are unsupportive and you feel you need to justify yourself, it’s really that they love and care about you. What seems unsupportive might really just be their concern for you and might be coming from a sincere place of love for you and a desire for you to be ‘safe’. If that’s the case, let them know you are good, that you are working toward what lights you up—and no matter how things shake out that you are okay.
4) Get Over Limiting Yourself
You are awesome. You are allowed to be awesome. Your awesome doesn’t stop anyone else from being their awesome. Don’t minimize or limit yourself for the sake of others. It does nothing to or for them and definitely does nothing for you.
5) Get Over Having A Timeline
I get it. Given enough leeway we could all go down the road of “I should be/have/accomplished (insert whatever) by now.”. That is NEVER helpful. You are where you are. It’s that simple. Accept it, embrace it learn to love it or at least stop fighting against it. Life happens on its own timeline. The important thing is you are working to stay clear on your goals/dreams/desires and are taking steps toward them. Timelines have their place so that you don’t stay stuck in procrastination but if you let them run your life, they can also keep you in stagnation.
Be diligent on the goal and flexible on the route. That includes being flexible if things haven’t happened exactly in the time you wanted them to. Keep working and adjusting and embracing the lessons along the way.
6) Get Over Glamorizing Busy
Newsflash- we are all busy... if you are always “too busy” to find time for yourself, you need to better plan and prioritize. I’m not saying there aren’t times that get crazy and so busy that you simply don’t have time to get things done, but if that’s your constant state of being, it’s time to cut the crap and start prioritizing what is important for you and your life.
Constantly being overwhelmed and over-scheduled is a choice and an opportunity to get clear on what you truly want. It’s also an opportunity to set up some new boundaries so that you are using your time/effort/energy for what is truly important to you. Face it-- time/effort/energy are commodities that once gone, we don’t get back.
Being “too busy” to ever have time for yourself and those things/people/causes etc. you care about is a form of avoidance. Avoidance can serve us in the short term but in the long run it’s also a way people unconsciously self-sabotage.
If you feel like you fall in the “no time for…” camp, ask yourself where you can say no, look at where you are spending your time and how it’s serving (or dis-serving) you. Give yourself permission to take a step away from things (or people) that are not filling you up in any way.
7) Get Over Never Asking For Help
Again, I hear ya! Asking for help isn’t a natural thing for me…especially if it’s something I know I can do. But I also know that I only have so much time in a day so if someone can complete a task in 1 hour that would take me three---why not let them?
I often share this story of an amazing boss I had in my 20’s:
We were wrapping up a long day of trainings on the road and I was carrying a whole bunch of stuff in for our last event of the day. I had been in high heels for about 12 hours, on day two of this crazy schedule, and didn’t want to make two trips to the car so I was carrying as much as I possibly could in an effort to make it in just one trip.
My boss asked if he could help. Without skipping a beat, I smiled and said, “Oh, no, I got it.” He looked at me intently and shared that he wasn’t offering to help because he didn’t think I could handle it. He was offering to help because he genuinely cared about me as a person and he wanted to help.
He went on to tell me that when people offer help, it’s an act of love. When you refuse an offer of help, essentially you are refusing people’s offer of love AND rob them of the opportunity to feel good. Helping others helps yourself as much as it helps the other person.
He went on to say, “Cassie, I hope you don’t go through all your life never accepting people’s offers of love.”
I pretty much hit the jackpot with this boss—he was such an incredible guy and really knew how to get a point across. I’m still not perfect at asking for or accepting help, it’s a practice. BUT trust me, you get so much farther when you stop trying to go it alone.
Whether that’s letting someone help you carry some bags, hiring a housekeeper, a personal chef, a baby-sitter, or you take it up a notch and seek out a coach to work with—get over trying to go it alone.
Ask for and accept help, you’ll go so much farther.
This is one of my favorite quotes – so much so that I keep it in my desk—
“A person who is determined to be self-sufficient has to keep his or her life and their goals small enough to manage single-handedly. To make sure they never need help.”
(from Queens Code by Alison Armstrong).